Resisting Ryann Read online

  I have no idea where he’s been or what has happened, and it’s taking every part of me not to ask. I need to be patient. I know this. I can see it in his eyes. Whatever he’s apologizing for has got to do with much more than our past. He made the decision to leave; no one forced him into anything. I want to know what’s going on—hoping he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

  After a few more minutes of his crying, the room is silent. I try to think of something I can say before he beats me to it, breathing me in.

  “You smell like home.” He tightens his arms around me. “I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but I couldn’t stay away.” There’s desperation in his voice. “I had to see you.”

  Looking down on his pain-stricken face, I want to tell him that I’ve missed him, but I can’t bring myself to say it. “Luke, you’re scaring me.” I’ve never seen him like this before.

  He closes his eyes. “My head isn’t in a good place,” he says, turning onto his back. “Then seeing you sort of turned me into a pussy.” He swallows. “I’ve missed you.”

  I’m trying not to cry. It feels so good to hear that he’s missed me, too. “How long are you here?”

  He tucks my hair behind my ear. “I leave tomorrow.”

  “I haven’t heard from you in months, and when I do, you show up like this?” Shaking my head, I continue. “I want to help, but you have to let me, Luke.” My lip involuntarily quivers. I can no longer hold it back.

  He brushes the pad of his thumb over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I hate that I do this to you.” There’s concern in his gaze. “There’s so much I want to tell you,” he says, raising his brows. “And I will tell you when this is over.” He sits up and places his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to meet his eyes. “It’s not about letting you in, Reese.” He pauses. “You’re already here.” Taking my hand, he holds it over his heart. “That’s never going to change.”

  I furrow my brows and scoot away from him. “Then why would you send me that letter? This isn’t a game, Luke. This is my heart.” I rest back against the headboard, crossing my arms defensively.

  He takes the spot beside me, stretching out his legs. “You’re right. This isn’t a game.” He turns toward me. “It never was.” He blows out a breath, looking stressed as he frowns. “I realized I wasn’t being fair to you—expecting you to wait. I couldn’t even give you an explanation.” I give him a sideways glance, and he raises his brows. “I was giving you an out,” he tells me, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I was trying to do the right thing,” he sighs, resigning.

  I break away from his gaze, pondering this new information. “And what about now?”

  “Now?”

  I nod. “You still trying to do the right thing? Give me an out?”

  He rests his head against the headboard. His eyes move to the ceiling. “You want honesty?”

  “Always,” I reply softly.

  He clenches his jaw. “The thought of another man touching you,” he says, shaking his head. “I can’t even describe the rage it brings. Deep down, I was hoping the letter wouldn’t matter,” he swallows. “But the truth is, in the end,” he turns to face me, his gaze intense, “if I have to fight for you, I will, no matter which path you choose, because the way I see it, you’re mine. You’ll always be mine.”

  His eyes fall to my lips. I’m wondering if he’s going to kiss me. They continue to travel down my neck, locking on my chest, and the corner of his mouth tips slightly. He’s noticed I’m wearing his shirt. My stomach is doing flip-flops, and my entire body tingles from his words. I can’t help it. I’m completely turned on. “Boy, you sure are full of yourself, aren’t you?” I want him to kiss me. I want him to touch me in places he’s never touched before. No, I don’t. Yes, I do. No, I don’t. Ugh. I just want him.

  “How so?”

  “You’re telling me I don’t get a say in this.” I can’t pretend like Luke didn’t leave me here on a lie, just because he has a weak moment, and my hormones are raging. He still needs to produce some answers.

  “You’ll always get a say.” He watches me carefully.

  I place a pillow on top of my lap and fold my hands. “What if you don’t like what I have to say?” I lift my chin and look him in the eye, pretending to be strong, but I’m weakening by the second.

  He takes a lock of my hair, watching it as he twists it around his finger. “Then I’ll do whatever it takes to change your mind.” He licks his lips. “I’m not afraid to face the challenge, if that’s what you’re asking.” He looks into my eyes. “When I want something I fight for it.” He tucks the hair behind my ear. “And what I want is you.”

  My breathing quickens. Everything about him screams sincerity, but my mind warns me to be careful. “If I ask you something, will you give me a straight answer?” I ask nervously.

  His body goes rigid. “It depends on what you ask.” By the look on his face, he’s just as irritated with his reply as I am.

  It’s hard to meet his gaze. “You never went to Brazil, did you?” I’m embarrassed I fell for the lie.

  I hear him release a breath before he says, “Look at me,” pulling my face toward his with his finger and thumb. I slowly lock eyes with him. The heat in his gaze makes my pulse race unnaturally. I feel the electricity crackling between us.

  “I shouldn’t have lied to you.” He presses his lips into a tight line. “The letter about Brazil just happened to be there at the right time, and I took it as an easy out.”

  “But why?” I want so badly to understand.

  Running a hand over his face, he continues. “Because if I’d told you the truth, you would have gotten in the middle of it.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because you’re stubborn!” His eyes widen, and he shakes his head. “You know it. I know it. It’s one of the things I love about you. But it drives me crazy at the same time.” The corner of his mouth tips, making me frown. “Listen.” He lifts my chin. “I swear to you. I’m going to tell you everything.” His eyes are intent on making me believe him, and I want to. I want to with all that is in me.

  I nervously chew on my lip. “Is what you’re doing dangerous? Is that why you’re being so secretive? Why you don’t want me involved?” I think about the Taser he sent me. It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

  “For you.” There’s tension in his jaw. “That’s all I can tell you right now. I’m sorry. You’re just going to have to accept that.”

  I close my eyes, hoping it isn’t something illegal, or something that could get him killed, then shake away the thought—for my own sanity. I have to trust him. I know he’s a good man. “Just don’t lie to me again,” I murmur. “You have no idea how much this has hurt me—how gullible it makes me feel.” How ridiculously stupid and naïve. Should I go on?

  “I promise.” His gaze softens, and he cups my face. “It was never my intention to hurt you.” Looking into my eyes, he continues, “You know that, right?”

  Hesitating, I finally say, “You’ve got to understand. This is going to be hard for me, and I still have questions.”

  “You should.” He nods. “But right now, I’m going to need you to trust me.” There’s compassion in his eyes. I gaze at the various cuts all over his handsome face.

  “Will you tell me what happened to your face?”

  A flicker of pain settles over his features. He pauses. “If I answer, will you answer a question for me?”

  “That sounds fair.” I cross my arms and get comfortable.

  His eyes are on the bed as he runs his hand across the stubble on his chin. “A lamp.”

  My brows bunch together. “A lamp?” Definitely not the answer I was expecting.

  His gaze moves to mine. “Yeah … a lamp.” He leans over and smells me closing his eyes. “I got into brawl tonight.” He leans back. “We bumped into some furniture. The lamp fell over, and I caught it in the face.” His eyes are far away.

  I examine the cuts and bruises
. “You caught it in the face?”

  “Yeah.” He nods. “Something like that.” There’s so much he’s not telling me.

  “Did you kick his ass?” I scoot down and lay my head on the pillow. He does the same beside me. Now we’re lying on our sides facing each other.

  Clenching his jaw, he replies, “I took care of it.” His eyes flick over my shoulder then he adds, “My turn to ask questions.”

  “What do you want to know?” I arch a brow. I don’t really have any secrets.

  He runs the back of his knuckles over the side of my face. “Has Logan been taking care of you?”

  I give him my best glare. “By the way, thank you for that,” I grumble.

  His mouth turns into a half grin. “What?”

  Swatting him on the arm, I tell him, “The man drives me crazy.” He raises his brows waiting for more. “First of all, he’s extremely nosey.”

  He fakes innocence, but I’m not stupid. He’s the one who told Logan to watch out for me in the first place. “What’s he nosey about?”

  I’m not sure how to answer that. He’s mainly nosey about Sean, and I don’t feel comfortable talking about Sean with the man lying next to me. In fact, Luke doesn’t like Sean even a little bit. And to make matters worse, he happens to be his landlord. “About everything,” I finally reply. “He’s just nosey … and he tries to get me to spar with him at the gym.”

  His mouth tips up at the corners. “And you won’t?”

  “Of course not,” I scoff. “I understand you’re concerned, but I don’t need a sitter, and I’m definitely not wrestling with Logan,” I murmur.

  He releases a throaty laugh. It may be at my expense, but I’m happy to finally hear it. “So work must be a real breeze for you then?” He teases with a twinkle in his eye.

  “Ugh, it’s awful. And now that Logan practically lives here, I have to listen to his sex-capades with my best friend in the next room. I can never catch a break!”

  “Oh, come on,” he says, tipping his head back. “It can’t be that bad.” He’s softly running his palm over my thigh. I want him to keep it there.

  I grin. “But it is.” My eyes fall on his handsome dimples.

  He reaches over to brush the hair off my face. “Now there’s the smile I love to see.” He tenderly touches my cheek. I try to pretend these simple touches don’t affect me, but they do.

  “I wish I could understand why you’re doing this,” I murmur. “Why you have to leave? All of this.”

  His gaze falls to my mouth, and he leans in. “Do you trust me?”

  I lick my lips unconsciously. I wonder if he feels the same pull that I do whenever we’re near each other. “I want to.”

  He looks hurt. “Why is that so hard for you to do?” He furrows his brows. “Have I ever intentionally hurt you? Think about it. You know me, Reese. When have I not had your best interest at heart?”

  I’m afraid I don’t know how to answer that, so I reach out and squeeze his hand. “No more lies, Luke.”

  He squeezes mine back with understanding in his eyes. “No more lies,” he replies.

  I blink my eyes awake and find Luke lying across from me, watching me. I don’t even remember falling asleep. We were talking about my life since his absence. I filled him in on work, Logan taking over the class, and how the kids were still constantly asking about him. Somehow the conversation moved to my dad. After that, things get a little blurry. My eyes fill with tears from the bittersweet realization that he’s here, but he’s leaving in the morning. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again.

  “You look peaceful when you sleep,” he tells me.

  “How long have I been out?”

  He glances at the clock. “Thirty minutes, if that.”

  I sit up and fold my legs behind me. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I was nodding off.”

  He gives a half grin, but there’s sadness in his eyes. “I like watching you sleep.”

  “I don’t want to sleep. You’re leaving.”

  He leans in and strokes my cheek tenderly. “I’m sorry.” He swallows, then we stare at each other for a while, neither of us needing to speak to communicate what we’re feeling.

  “How ‘bout you let me take care of your face?” I climb out of bed and make my way into the bathroom. I peek over my shoulder, and his mouth curves into a partial grin.

  “You going to nurse me back to health?”

  “I’m going to try,” I reply, crouching under the sink, searching for the first aid kit. I find it then place it onto the counter. “We’re in luck,” I say, relieved.

  His tattooed arm flexes back to grip his shirt, then he pulls it over his head and steps toward me. It all sort of happens in slow motion. My eyes take their fill of his chest, before traveling down the tight ripples of his stomach, lingering on the sexy V that disappears into his jeans—I’m captivated.

  I blink away my lust, clearing my throat. “I was going to say, you should probably take your shirt off for this.” I can hear the nervousness in my voice. It’s obvious I’m a twenty-one year old virgin. The man is only shirtless, and I’m already blushing.

  Standing less than a foot away, he effortlessly lifts me onto the counter. I can instantly feel the chemistry between us the moment his fingertips meet my hips. Those eyes are going to trap me. I can tell he feels it, too. “You okay?” he asks softly, not realizing how much he’s affecting me. He smells divine—like soap, mint, and everything Luke.

  “Uh huh,” I answer back, flustered, pouring the antiseptic onto some cotton, praying he doesn’t read me. If he can be strong, so can I.

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah,” I reply, doing what I can to keep my composure. My nerves are shot, and my heart is beating really fast. I’m desperate for him to kiss me, and wonder if he wants to kiss me, too. I gently dab the left side of his face. “Sorry, this may sting a little.”

  He places his hands on my thighs. “You’re shaking.” His warm breath blows over me.

  “Really?” I pause. “Funny, I must be cold. Tell me if I’m hurting you. Okay?” Leaning forward, I blow on his cheek.

  His thumbs rub circles over my thighs. The movement feels sensual. “You want me to get you a blanket?” I shake my head no, blowing on another area. I don’t trust myself to speak. “That feels good,” he says, moving his hands up and down my thighs, attempting to warm me up. “Your skin is really soft,” he mumbles.

  Does he have any idea what he’s doing to me? Our closeness makes me tingly—add our lack of clothing, his hands on my thighs, and the thickness I hear in his voice, and I’m a mess. “Um, thanks. Can you turn your head a little,” I murmur, finally looking into his eyes. That’s when my mouth runs dry, and I suck in a breath. “Are you okay?”

  His face is serious as he watches me with hungry eyes and closes the distance between us. He slightly shakes his head. “No,” is all he says. He drops his face to the crook of my neck, rolling his forehead from side to side. I stretch my neck to give him better access, closing my eyes. His hands remain on my thighs, and he grips them tightly as if he’s fighting for some control.

  He inhales a long slow breath. “Home,” he sighs, his lips grazing the bottom of my neck, next to my shoulder. I feel his stubble against my cheek as he softly brushes his lips up the right side of my throat. “You are home,” he breathes, his hand traveling higher and higher.

  I bite my lip in anticipation, not knowing what’s to come. His tongue dances along my skin, making me tremble. One hand tangles in my hair, the other reaches the edge of my panties, his fingers teasingly close, but not close enough. My chest rises and falls as his open mouth presses against my ear. “I think about being inside you,” he says huskily.

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and warmth pools between my legs. “You do?” I ask, shivering. Please don’t stop touching me. I’m in desperate need for his fingers to move.

  His lips hover over mine. “Of course I do.” He kisses the corner of my mouth
then seeks my eyes for permission. One of his hands slides deep into my hair, and he leans in. “I think about the taste of your lips.” Starting with a soft peck before he tenderly sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, he then gives the top the same attention. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he cages me in, licking the seam. I open on a whimper, giving and taking all he offers. “The softness of your skin,” he breathes against me. His hands roam over my butt, squeezing roughly while he claims my mouth with his wet tongue.

  I lift my hips involuntarily, needing to feel him against me. “Your body shaking beneath me.” His words ignite a fire inside me. I release a throaty moan, eagerly kissing him back with everything I have. Both of us are panting. “Do you feel what you’re doing to me?” he hisses, pressing his hardness against me, closing his eyes. “With those sexy little sounds you make.” His lips part, and his eyes pierce into mine. “I think about those, too.” His voice nearly cracks.

  He reaches for the hem of my shirt, and I help him take it off, wrapping my legs around him. He lifts me off the counter and carries me over to the bed, greedily kissing my mouth before laying me down. I cross my arms over my chest, as his thumbs flick at his waistband, and his jeans fall to the ground.

  He crawls on the bed beside me. I wish I‘d put on a sexier pair of panties—something silky with a little lace. Instead they’re plain, pink cotton. I’m feeling a little insecure. He could easily be paid to model those black boxer briefs he’s wearing; of course, he could model anything.

  His eyes are hooded as he runs his hand from my shoulder down to my hip, watching his movement the whole way, as if waiting for something to happen. My skin trembles from the contact. “Don’t cover yourself. You’re perfect.” He peers down on me. “I love watching your body react to me.” He presses a soft kiss against my forehead, then temple, and cheek.

  I meet his mouth and kiss him tenderly. Fear overtakes me, and my mind begins to wonder how much this is actually going to hurt. I’m about to have sex with Luke Ryann. Just thinking about it makes me nervous, but excited at the same time.