Resisting Ryann Read online

  He brushes my hair off my shoulder, peppering kisses across my jawline, down my neck. “What are you thinking about?” he asks quietly. My cheeks flush in embarrassment. I hesitate on whether or not I should tell him the truth.

  “I know this is hard for you. Take your time.” I swear I feel him smile against my skin, like he already knows. His fingers dance along my collarbone in light, feathery touches. It’s calming and turns me on at the same time.

  I swallow and close my eyes. “I was thinking about you being inside me.” Why was it so hard to get that out? When I’m able to look at him, he’s patiently waiting for me to continue. So I do. “Wondering how much it’s going to hurt, and if I’m going to like it.” I stare at his chest. It’s hard to look directly into his eyes after being so vulnerable.

  Leaning in, he kisses me. “Coming from the girl who’s afraid to say penis, I’m surprised you admitted that.” His mouth rises at the corners. “I’m proud of you.”

  Timidly, I grin back before my eyes awkwardly fall to said penis, which is erect.

  “It’s natural for you to be scared, Reese, but you need to be ready. You don’t want to regret it.”

  “I promise. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  He scrunches his brows, brushing his thumb along my quivering lip. “Is that why you’re trembling?” He can’t hide the desire in his eyes. It’s there. I can see it.

  Sure, I’m scared, but more than anything I’m excited. I cup his face, meeting his gaze. “I’m trembling because I want this … I want you, Luke.”

  His jaw clenches beneath my hand. It takes a minute to work this over in his head before his fingers run over my skin, and his eyes peer into mine. “Do you want me to touch you?”

  My pulse picks up. The sound of his husky voice alone is enough to get me worked up. Unable to look away from him, I nod. His hand hovers over my breast, and he shakes his head back and forth, still staring into my eyes. I feel the warmth before he even touches me. “Say it,” he whispers. Chills run up and down my spine. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Tell me what you want.”

  “I want you to touch me,” I whimper.

  His gaze falls to my breast, then he cups it. “Right here?” He asks, slowly brushing his thumb across the sensitive peak. I cry out in pleasure, and he swallows it down with a deep, erotic kiss, moving his thumb back and forth. He does this for a while, switching from my mouth back to my neck, then releasing me.

  He slides down my body, pressing the ridges of his abs and chest firmly against me, then his eyes lift to mine. His lips enclose over my other breast, and he repeats the motion with his tongue that he had just done with his fingers. “Do you like my mouth on you?”

  My legs tremble beneath him, and I tug on his hair. “Yes! Please Luke, I need you,” I gasp.

  His fingers travel down my stomach, then his mouth reaches for mine. “Need me to what?” he asks, our lips less than an inch apart from each other. His eyes are filled with want.

  I’m too embarrassed to say it. Instead, I run my hands over his chest, down the ridges of his abs, following his pattern—hoping that’ll be enough of a hint—but he grabs my wrist and stretches it above my head. “Uh uh uh, you’re making this harder than it has to be.” Doing the same with my other wrist, he’s gripping them both in one hand. I watch as his tattoos flex above me. It’s incredibly sexy.

  “I want to touch you,” I pant, feeling my chest rise and fall with his. “Let me.”

  He plants a kiss on my mouth, pressing our foreheads together. His hand dips between my thighs, and his thumb grazes over my panties. I throw back my head and whimper when his fingers slip inside, and he touches my most sensitive part.

  Rubbing his nose against mine, his breathing is heavy. “Look at me,” he commands. Self-consciously, I do what he says. His eyes burn into me. “The first time I push inside you, I want to look into those beautiful eyes.” He licks his lips. “I’ll start off slow and gentle … and I won’t change the pace until you beg me.”

  My eyes roll back, and I moan at the sensation his fingers are bringing. “Keep them open,” he whispers, releasing my wrists. Gripping my thigh, then placing it over his shoulder, he kisses me fiercely. A fire builds within me.

  I grab the back of his head to pull him closer while I delve deep into his mouth. I can’t seem to bring him close enough. I will never tire of being underneath him, above him—anywhere he is.

  “Luke,” I sigh uncontrollably in a voice that isn’t mine.

  “Am I hurting you?” His thumb gently brushes my cheek.

  “No,” I pant. “Don’t stop!”

  His lips graze my ear. “When your body gets used to me, the pain will subside.” He kisses my mouth. “You’ll tell me whether you want it fast or slow.” His movements match his words. “Gentle or hard, and how deep you want me to go.” My chest arches toward the ceiling, and my vision blurs with flashes of light. He licks the side of my neck as my toes curl and my entire body shatters around him. When I cry out, he covers my mouth with one of his hands. The other continues to move until the final tremor escapes me.

  I come down from my high, and he releases me, giving me a soft peck on the lips then my cheek before he climbs off the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, still catching my breath.

  His eyes fall to his erection. He tugs on his hair, then his mouth curves into a devilish smirk. “I need to take care of something,” he says, tipping his head toward the shower. “It shouldn’t take long.”

  “Don’t you dare,” I tell him.

  He raises his brows, and I point to his dick.

  “I want to take care of you,” I say softly. “Please, teach me. It’s only fair.”

  His eyes glaze over, and he makes his way back to bed. A sexy grin crawls across his face. “How can I say no to that?” he replies, sitting down beside me. He takes my hand, and guides me to helping him gain his own release.

  My eyes are heavy, and I’m trying my best not to fall asleep, but I can feel myself fading fast. “Why didn’t we?” I ask him, laying my head on his chest. I told him I was ready and thought he felt the same.

  He sighs. “I’m leaving in the morning. It’d be selfish of me. Is that what you imagined for your first time?” He kisses the top of my head. “To wake up alone?”

  I frown thinking about it. “Not exactly.”

  “Besides, we wouldn’t have enough time for what I have planned for you.”

  I lift my chin and fight back a giddy smile. “Really?”

  “Yeah,” he says softly, looking down on me with gentle eyes.

  What he’s saying makes sense. “You’re probably right,” I murmur. “I’m going to have a hard enough time with you leaving.” Sex will just complicate things that much more.

  “You look like hell.” I flick my eyes away shortly after noticing a small smile form on Andrew’s lips. We act like we’re looking for groceries, walking down an aisle at a local grocery store in North Phoenix. He’s bearded with his hair grown out. Each time I see him he’s harder to recognize. I’m not sure what his deal is, but very few people can pull this look off, and he’s not one of them.

  “That’s the idea,” he mumbles quietly. “You don’t look any better,” he adds, eyeing my banged up face. I glance at him sideways, grab a bag of pretzels, and toss them into the cart. It’s good to see him again. A crease forms between his brows, as he asks, “How you holding up?”

  “What kind of question is that?”

  “Right,” he murmurs.

  “Give me something to hang on to. Tell me we’re close.” I tug on my hair. “I’m losing my mind, Andrew.”

  He holds out his hands. “We’re working on getting you out of there, and it’s going to happen soon. I’ve told you before, this is hard for me, too. You’re not alone in this, but you need to be patient.”

  “Patient?” My eyebrows shoot up. “I’m participating in drug deals while these bastards do away with whomever they please! N
o one intervenes. How can that be legal?” I hiss through my teeth. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have these things on your conscience?” Pointing to my chest, I add, “I was ordered to kill a couple of kids last night while some filthy fuck was raping their mother in the other room. Is that not enough evidence? What the hell is wrong with this country?”

  A mix of pity and understanding crosses his face. “You’re not one of them,” he says. “You never will be.”

  I close my eyes and exhale. “I wanted to pull the trigger, Andrew. That’s what scares me the most. I wanted him dead.”

  “That family’s safe, because of you.” He pauses. “And the children have their mother. You did what you had to do.”

  An elderly man walks down the aisle, whistling a happy tune. We back away, pretending to browse again.

  “Did Glenn buy your story?” Andrew asks, turning the corner as we move on to the next aisle.

  “He’s hard to read … always has been,” I say, dropping two boxes of mac-n- cheese into the cart. “I guess we’ll find out when I get back.”

  We put together a story blaming Samuel’s wife for Gage’s murder. I was “taking care” of the kids when the gun went off, assuming Gage had shot her. I hadn’t expected to find her alive, standing over his body, a gun in her hand. I shot her before she could react, burned the bodies, and went back to clean up the evidence. It was an all-night affair.

  He furrows his brows. “If you sense they’re suspicious, contact me.”

  “If I don’t have a bullet in my head by then,” I answer flatly.

  Scratching his bearded chin, he continues. “This isn’t the time to joke. You’re in dangerous territory, and not just with your father.”

  I pause. “You think I don’t know that? They’re using me as a pawn. Fuck, I’m dead already!”

  A woman rushes by, pushing a cart. Her expression says she heard me, and I’m guessing I scared her.

  “Sorry,” I say. She smiles politely then scurries away. I flick my eyes back to Andrew.

  He’s watching me with pursed lips. “You going to give up?”

  I straighten my shoulders. “Hell no. I’ll fight to the finish.” My hands automatically clench into fists.

  He nods slowly. “They still checking you for a wire or weapon?”

  “They’ve let up a little,” I say, scratching my head. “Not enough to take a chance. If they catch me, it would be the end.”

  His mouth opens then closes, and his gaze falls to the ground. He has something to say, but he’s just not spitting it out. “Thank you … for protecting her.” His eyes lift to mine, and they’re filled with emotion. “Remind yourself why you’re doing this, when things get unbearable. Maybe that’ll help.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “I remind myself every day—a thousand times a day.” It’s the only way I get through it.

  His forehead wrinkles. “Where’d you end up last night? Did you sleep?”

  He’s not going to like my answer. I hesitate, meeting his eyes.

  He sees it on my face. “You saw her.”

  “I had to. I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I needed to see her … talk to her …” Tell her I love her.

  “Are you sure you weren’t followed? Not the best decision on your part.”

  I shake my head. “I wouldn’t have stepped near her if that were the case. No. Nobody followed me.”

  He slowly bobs his head up and down, eyeing me curiously. “Do you love her?”

  How could he ask that? “Absolutely, I do.” I lift my chin. “She means everything to me. She’s my light in the darkness. That woman will be the death of me; I guarantee it.”

  Andrew flinches. “Let’s hope not.” He grabs a twelve pack of Coke and sets it in his cart. “It’s good you saw her,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. “Now that you have some competition, it’s better she knows how you feel.”

  My brows pinch together. “Wait, repeat that?”

  “Which part?”

  “The part about competition.” My blood boils, and my head feels ready to explode.

  He backs away a few steps, rubbing his forehead. “I thought you knew.”

  I don’t think so. You told me for a reason. “Cut the crap. Who is he?” I feel like I was sucker punched in the gut.

  Waving a hand, he says, “Some neighbor friend, but you’re the one she’s in love with. I’ve seen it on her face whenever we bring you up.”

  Neighbor friend … the preppy douchebag who pays me rent. “How long?” My jaw clenches. I need to hit something. I raise my fist, but there are kids close to thirty feet away.

  “A few months. They were supposed to have dinner last night actually. We’d met for coffee, and she mentioned it. She referred to him as a ‘friend,’ though I’m sure he’s holding out for more,” he adds, lowering his voice. “Anyway, let’s not make a big deal out of it. You hadn’t gotten to her yet. I assume things are patched up between you two?”

  Why the hell didn’t she say anything? What’s she hiding? That prick’s wanted to bang her since the moment he laid eyes on her. I don’t trust him. I saw the way he looked at her. Friends … yeah right! I press my lips into a tight line.

  “Are you with me?”

  Blinking out of my thoughts, I say, “Yeah, you just blindsided me, but I’m with you.”

  “Good.” He grins. “Now use that jealousy and determination to stay alive.”

  I know that if I open my eyes, the space beside me will be empty. So I wait a little longer while my mind sifts through our night together—Luke lying over me, the intensity in his gaze, the desire I’d seen on his face. The thought of it makes me grin. Luke Ryann was the first man to touch me. He made me feel beautiful and adored. And the words that he spoke … don’t even get me started. I loved it. I love him. I wonder what sex is going to be like. Ugh. I don’t want to wait anymore. I know it’s going to be amazing.

  I reach across the bed wondering if it’s still warm, but my hand meets a mass of curly hair. My eyes fling open, and I suck in some air. “How many times are you going to creep up on me like that?” I’m staring at a beautiful set of teeth that belong to my smiling best friend. She holds a calla lilly in her hand and brings it to her nose.

  “You’ve been a bad little girl.” She passes it to me. “This is for you. Do you know how hard it was to keep Logan from breaking down your door last night?” My cheeks heat instantly. I didn’t realize we were that loud. “He thought you were getting it on with Sean.” Her brows lift. “What a relief it was for him to bump into Luke this morning, holding a vase filled with three dozen of these.”

  She sits up and folds her legs behind her. “I’ve been watching you sleep for twenty minutes. I can’t wait any longer. Tell me everything.”

  “You guys heard us?” I cover my face with my hands, attempting to hide my blush.

  “Mostly you,” she giggles, and it’s then I notice she’s still wearing her jammies.

  “What time is it?” The clock on my nightstand reads just past seven. Gia’s normally asleep right now, and she likes to get ready as soon as she’s up. I groan and place a pillow over my face. Luke and I were up late, and I have to work in a few hours.

  “I know it’s early, but after Logan woke me with the news, I couldn’t go back to sleep.”

  “Honestly? He couldn’t wait a little longer?”

  She grabs the pillow and tosses it away. “After the fight we had last night?” she says, waving her hand. “Pshht, he couldn’t wait to rub it in my face. He always needs to be right.”

  “I hope he didn’t say anything.”

  “You mean about Sean?” She shakes her head. “Nope. I asked him. He said Luke has enough to worry about, and he’d tell him later when he’s back for good.”

  I groan. “He makes it sound way worse than it is.”

  “Guys don’t believe in platonic relationships with the opposite sex.”

  I lift up my head. “Guys or Logan?”


  “Most guys I think. It’s hard to understand because we don’t have penises.” She pulls her hair into a high ponytail. “So what’s the explanation? Where has he been?”

  I purse my lips then climb off the bed. I can’t explain this without looking like a fool. I wish she hadn’t asked.

  “Uh oh … he didn’t tell you.” She frowns, not making me feel better.

  “I trust him. That should be all that matters, right?” I grab a pair of yoga pants and a pink tank to match then place them on top of the bed.

  It takes her a minute to say anything. “I just don’t want to see you hurt. I like Luke, but I don’t understand the secrets. It worries me.” She makes a face like she’s waiting for my wrath, but I know she means well.

  “Do you trust my judgment?” I ask, lifting my brows. “Are you worried that I’ve become sort of pushover? Be honest. I want to know.”

  “No, it’s not that,” she lies. Furrowing her brows, she continues, “Just promise that you’ll be careful.” She climbs off my bed and squeezes my hand. “I know you really care about him.”

  “I do.” I squeeze hers back then head to the shower, turning it on. I appreciate her advice, but I’m going to go with my heart on this one. A beautiful vase of lilies sits on the counter. A smile spreads across my lips, remembering all that happened right in their very spot. He lost control, and I’d enjoyed every second of it. “So he bought me my favorite flowers, huh?” I scurry over and inhale them, closing my eyes.

  “Aren’t they gorgeous?” she asks, tinkering with the large red ribbon that’s wrapped around the vase. Her tone is light, which changes the mood a little, and for that I’m glad.

  “I wish I’d seen him walk in with them.” I was out of it when he kissed me goodbye this morning. I stayed awake as long as I was able to keep my eyes open. I wanted to savor the time we had, and I know he’d done the same. I’m not sure which of us fell asleep first.

  “And you didn’t even have to screw him to get them.”